Parents often find themselves facing challenges when it comes to managing their children's emotional outbursts as they grow older. While it may have been amusing when a toddler threw a tantrum in a store, parents can become concerned when their older children exhibit similar emotional reactions. They may feel embarrassed or blame themselves for their child's inability to regulate emotions appropriately. However, teaching emotional regulation is a gradual process, much like teaching a child to ride a bike independently. Here are five effective strategies that parents can implement at home to support their child's emotional regulation:

1. Start Early and Maintain Consistency

Children naturally vary in their emotional reactivity. It is important to begin teaching emotional regulation skills at a young age by encouraging children to express their feelings using words. If you feel that you may have missed this opportunity or your child continues to struggle with emotional reactivity, it's never too late to introduce these skills. Consistency is key in reinforcing and practicing emotional regulation techniques over time.

2. Be a Role Model for Emotional Regulation

One of the most effective ways to teach children any skill is to lead by example. Parents can model emotional regulation by managing their own emotions in a healthy manner. If you tend to react strongly to situations, practice self-regulation techniques and express your emotions in a calm and constructive way. Taking breaks, using deep breathing exercises, or finding other coping mechanisms can demonstrate to your children that it is possible to manage strong emotions effectively.

3. Help Your Child Build an Emotional Regulation Toolkit

Instead of waiting for your child to have an emotional outburst, assist them in creating a toolkit to handle overwhelming emotions. Work together to identify strategies that can help them cope with specific situations. For example, if your child becomes upset after missing a goal during a soccer game, help them explore coping mechanisms such as taking a walk or communicating their feelings with their coach. Encouraging independence in managing emotions empowers children to handle their emotions effectively.

4. Plan for Trigger Situations

Parents often recognize the situations that trigger their child's emotional outbursts but struggle with preventing them. Planning ahead is crucial in managing these triggers. Engage in open discussions with your child about how certain situations can be improved and involve them in finding solutions. For instance, if sibling conflicts frequently arise during dinner preparation, consider creating separate workstations for homework or projects to reduce tension and promote a more harmonious environment.

5. Use De-escalation Strategies

When a child experiences an emotional outburst, it can be helpful to employ de-escalation techniques. Similar to crisis de-escalation strategies used in other settings, gather calm family members in one area and allow the person with the strongest connection to the upset child to talk them down. Providing a safe and supportive environment for your child to express their emotions can help them regain control. If other children are affected, designate a calm area, such as a designated "calm mat," where they can retreat until everyone is calm and ready to discuss the situation calmly.

6. Reward Successful Emotional Regulation

Acknowledging and reinforcing your child's efforts in practicing emotional regulation is important. If your child effectively uses their emotional regulation strategies, consider implementing a reward system that emphasizes the value of maintaining calmness. Engage in a relaxing activity together, such as swimming in a heated spa, to reinforce the importance of relaxation and emotional regulation. This positive reinforcement can motivate your child to continue practicing these skills.

Implementing these strategies will support your child's emotional regulation skills and contribute to their overall well-being. Remember, teaching emotional regulation is an ongoing process, and with patience and consistency, you can empower your child to manage their emotions independently.

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Pelini, S. (2018). An Age-By-Age Guide to Helping Kids Manage Emotions. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/age-age-guide-helping-kids-manage-emotions/

Portnow, S., Downer, J. T., & Brown, J. (2018). Reductions in aggressive behavior within the context of a universal, social emotional learning program: Classroom- and student-level mechanisms. Journal of School Psychology, 68, 38-52. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsp.2017.12.004

Raising Children Network. (2021). Self-regulation in children and teenagers. raisingchildren.net.au. https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/self-regulation

Wong, A. S. K., Li-Tsang, C. W. P., & Siu, A. M. H. (2014). Effect of a Social Emotional Learning Programme for Primary School Students. Hong Kong Journal of Occupational Therapy, 24(2), 56-63. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.hkjot.2014.11.001